Bitter Ex-Wives & Other Freaks of Nature

Being the new wife takes on a new demension when the EX won’t let go. My true story…

March 11, 2000 – Middle of the Night Blues July 10, 2007

Filed under: divorce,life,love — bitterexwives @ 12:23 am

  The lights are off and I have been lying in bed for hours. Dawn is only a few hours away and sleep continues to elude me.  My tears dried up hours ago, but the aching in my heart continues. I decided to write Bryce a poem:

 “I gave you my heart,

You should have guarded it as though it were your very own,

But you were reckless with it, and

Intentionally caused it pain.

I gave you my heart

the responsibility belonged to you to care for it

never open it up or expose it

or give others the opportunity to pierce it.

I gave you my heart

upon your honor I expected you to protect it.

Encourage it, nurture it, strengthen it,

but never neglect it.

I gave you my heart,

You didn’t hold onto it even though you selected it.

Never give another rights to it

only love and treasure it.”

  Isn’t this supposed to be what love does? Is this not what love is?  Do I live under false illusions? Have I fallen prey to unrealistic expectations?  Will I ever find love?

  My marriage is over…

 

March 11, 2000 (Night) – Facing the Betrayal July 9, 2007

Filed under: betrayal,divorce,life — bitterexwives @ 12:48 am

  Well, the truth is out. But I am not sure what to do with it. Bryce has started a new life without me, while I am still desperately holding on to a dead marriage. A new life with Margo.  That hussy I invited into my home.  That hussy that ate dinner with my husband and my family.  That damn H-U-S-S-Y! I could scratch her eyes out!  Bryce’s betrayal has hurt me more than anything I have ever experienced. I cannot comprehend its magnitude.

  Yes, I am in the fetal position again – I was so humiliated by the conversation between Celeste and Margo’s mother. I don’t think I can face Celeste or anyone else for that matter. The only thing I know to do is cry and pray…

  “Please Lord, make this pain go away.  I cannot live like this anymore.  I cannot keep hoping and believing for the love of a man who doesn’t love me.  A man who doesn’t want to be with me. A man who didn’t mind humiliating me.  Even with the knowledge of his betrayal, I still love him. I feel like I cannot go on. I am so broken inside – how can I ever be whole again?  How can I ever recover from this? I am hurting so much – I cannot breathe.  I could have never treated anyone this way. I don’t deserve to be treated this way.  Why is this happening to me? I cannot breathe… Lord, I feel so small, please help me.”

 

March 11, 2000 (Evening) – Playing Detective July 8, 2007

Filed under: deception,divorce,infidelity,life — bitterexwives @ 4:58 am

  The woman Bryce was having an affair with is a singer in the band. 

  Many times, I contemplated killing Margo.  When Bryce first joined the band, we would invite different members over to our home for drinks or dinner or movies.  Margo was always included in these little gatherings. Unfortunately Margo, was not satisfied with an invitation to my home.  She also wanted an invitation into my husband’s bed.  Little Miss Margo Kennedy – three years my junior, still in college and living at home. I didn’t see her coming.

  Initially, Bryce’s erratic behavior tipped me off that something was wrong. His waning sexual desire.  His constant need to hang out late at night and all weekend long with the guys – away from home.  The mysterious dinner receipts date stamped by the restaurant register at times when Bryce claimed to be either at work or band rehearsal. Next, it was the casual hints about Bryce and Margo’s “closeness” dropped by some of the band members while in conversation that solidified the reality that something was dreadfully wrong. Finally, it was the night when Bryce just didn’t come home from work…

  Armed with the knowledge of the affair and Bryce’s sudden relocation to California, I decided to call Margo’s mother.  I needed to know if Margo had relocated as well.

  Call me a chicken, but I was afraid to make the call myself. This is where I thank God and send up offerings of thanksgiving for good girlfriends.  One thing every woman needs is a best girlfriend to call on in times of need.  This was my time of need so I called Celeste. “Celeste! Please call Margo’s mom. Pretend that you are one of the band members and ask to speak to Margo.  Tell her you missed the last band rehearsal and had a question about one of the new songs you are working on.”

  Feeling like an eighth grader, I give Celeste Margo’s telephone number.  As I listen to the conversation between Celeste and Mrs. Kennedy while on 3-way, I silently cry.  “I’m sorry, but Margo doesn’t live here anymore.  What?…  You didn’t know?… Yes, Margo and her fiance Bryce moved to California.  You know, Bryce the young man who plays the piano in the band.  They moved last weekend…”

 

March 11, 2000 (Morning) – Playing Detective

Filed under: deception,divorce,infidelity,life — bitterexwives @ 4:20 am

  I know I am the biggest idiot, but I still love Bryce. Even though I have been lied to, cheated on, and now officially abandoned. And yet, I still carry hope that this marriage can be saved.

  Just last spring, after celebrating our third wedding anniversary, Bryce and I took out a second mortgage on our house.  We planned to use the proceeds as a down payment on the new home we were building and to pay off several outstanding bills Bryce had accumulated prior to the marriage. We had even paid cash for a very nice, albeit used, car for Bryce. Virtually debt free, except for the car I drive, we were looking forward to decorating our new home, moving into our new neighborhood, and developing friendships with our new neighbors. There were times in the middle of the night, we would lie in bed and talk incessantly about the move. The anticipation was infectious.

  Something inside of me was changing – this would be my first real home since I turned 18 and left for college.  Up until this very moment, every move I had made was from one transitional home to another.  I had always lived in places where I never intended to stay for more than a year or two.  Even our current home we purchased solely for rental property. Therefore, when the builders were finished and we moved into the new home we would not sell, but maintain ownership of our current house.  I felt as though I were nesting and for the first time in our marriage desired to have a baby.  How did things go so terribly wrong?

  The Bryce I knew was ambitious, funny, and kind.  He had a very strong sense of family – we always spent a great deal of time with both of our families. Yet even more significant, Bryce and I were very committed to the church and developing strong relationships with God.  He even played the piano for a Christian jazz band. How could the man that I had known for 9 years become such a disappointment?  Did I really know him? Did he deceive me all of these years? There had to be some logical explanation that would make things right again.  There had to be!

  Yet, even in my hope, I carried an unsettling feeling. Did Bryce move to California alone?

 

March 10, 2000 – Playing Detective July 7, 2007

Filed under: abandoned,divorce,life — bitterexwives @ 5:41 pm

  It was time to play dirty.  Twenty-four hours have passed and Bryce’s whereabouts are still unknown.  I established a plan of attack that required the assistance of a co-worker who was also a friend from church.  Over the years, James had always been the nicest guy.  I really hoped my plan neither offended him nor made him feel uncomfortable as he also had a good relationship with Bryce.

  The plan…James would pretend to be my attorney and contact Bryce’s former employer.  The goal…find out where Bryce is now working. The entire time James was on the phone, I was sending up silent prayers.  “Please God let this plan work.  Please let me find out where Bryce is. Please let us go undiscovered.” Before long, James was talking to Bryce’s former boss and jotting down notes.  Five minutes later James handed me the information.

 Bryce remained employed with Deloitte & Touche; however, he transferred to the San Diego location…

2868 Prospect Park Drive
Suite 400  
Rancho Cordova, California 95670
  

  Bryce obviously had been planning to leave me for some time now, I just never realized the truth. There is no way, Bryce was able to apply for a new position or request a transfer, interview for the position, coordinate the move, and actually move across country from Indianapolis to California in the three months we had been separated. I don’t know if I am shocked, disappointed, or devasted – perhaps all three.

  Now I am ready to activate part two of the plan.  I am ready to know the truth in its entirety. I need to know the truth in its entirety.

 

March 9, 2000 (Evening) – Seriously Pissed

Filed under: divorce,life — bitterexwives @ 12:20 am

  Isn’t this the biggest joke? I am married albeit separated and on the verge of being divorced, my husband has quit his job, and I didn’t know it.

  Normally involving the in-laws is a “no-no” in marital situations, but I have been left with no choice. After work, as soon as I walked in the door, I called my mother-in-law Judy. I figure if anyone knows where my no-good husband is, it would be her.  While my first inclination was to be worried by Bryce’s mysterious disappearance, common sense said otherwise. The reality of the situation is, my friend, husband, and lover has filed for divorce and is not man enough to face me.  My respect for him is quickly diminishing – considering I have been left with the first and second mortgage on our home, car note, and all of the outstanding credit card bills.  My mission, now that I have chosen to accept it, is to find Bryce’s sorry ass post haste!

  I wasn’t sure Judy would accept my call, Bryce is a mama’s boy and she blames me for the breakup of our marriage.  Of course, Bryce has never admitted to his infidelity and I don’t have the inclination nor the desire to tell her. As it would happen, Judy answered and the conversation began with the normal pleasantries.  However, I really had little patience to delve into a heart-to-heart conversation, so I cut to the chase.  “Ma, I called Bryce at work today and was told that he no longer works there.  Can you tell me where he is?”  Obviously I was naive to think she would tell me…Judy played dumb.

The only answer I received was “I don’t know where he is working now. Friday of last week was his last day, but I will tell him you called.”

 

March 9, 2000 (Afternoon) – Pissed July 6, 2007

Filed under: divorce,incompatibility,infidelity,irreconcilable differences,life — bitterexwives @ 7:13 pm

  I am seriously losing it! All morning, I have been in shock.  Apart from being completely unproductive at work, I keep reliving the moment I opened that damn certified letter.  Over and over and over again, the words keep jumping off the pages in my mind.  And then I remembered…not only were irreconcilable differences cited as the reason for divorce, but also incompatibility.  Now I am really pissed!

  That bastard cheated on me and he’s the one filing for divorce! There is something seriously wrong with the world!  After I found out about the affair, I was willing to take him back and work on our marriage.  “Let’s see a counselor”, I said, “I love you and we need to work through this affair.” And do you know what he said?  “I don’t know if that would work.  I should have never gotten married. I want to travel.”  Travel my ass!  Bryce had never traveled out of the tri-state area until he met me. And what does that have to with him having an affair?  After stating the obvious, he went on to say…”I just don’t feel like you need me.  That is why I cheated, she needs me and you don’t.”  I thought, now isn’t that something? Now I don’t need him. Do all men come up with these excuses? “C’mon, don’t you think it’s time you told me the truth? We’ve been through too much together. If you can’t talk to me as your wife, talk to me as your friend.” To which Bryce responded…”Angel, it’s me. I just don’t want to be married anymore.” I think I went into denial.  I didn’t want him to leave me – but he moved out that night.  To my chagrin, I even stalked him one night.  Never did I think I would resort to such repugnant behavior, but a week after Bryce moved in with him mother, I found myself sitting in my car watching his office building.  I was determined to catch him with that hussy he was cheating with. So why was I surprised to get served divorce papers?

  Okay, back to my current dilemma, I cannot continue to live in the past. So here I sit at work, three months later, wearing a phony smile with divorce papers in my purse. I am pathetic! It is about time I call Bryce to give him a piece of my mind.  With boldness and a new determination, I called Bryce’s office…

  What?!?! Bryce is no longer with the company and his boss refused to give me any information! What the hell! Am I not still his wife?