Bitter Ex-Wives & Other Freaks of Nature

Being the new wife takes on a new demension when the EX won’t let go. My true story…

April 1, 2000 – Saturday Night Salsa August 22, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,girlfriends,love — bitterexwives @ 3:07 pm

  Tonight, I plan to party! To celebrate Dionne’s birthday, albeit belatedly, we are going to dinner and later Salsa dancing.  Unlike Dionne, the rest of us are Salsa virgins – in typical Dionne fashion, it’s her birthday and she wants to outshine us.  With three months of lessons under her belt and numerous trips to various salsa clubs Dionne plans to dance circles around us and obliterate any competition for meeting men – not that I am looking.

  Presently, I need a man like I need a hole in the head.  All of my needs can be summarized into two basic categories…Sex and Capital.  Yes, I sound like a bitter woman, but what the hell; at least I recognize the signs.  After Bryce, why would I want to date another guy and ultimately end up in another bad marriage? 

  Although, dating for money is one alternative.  Considering Bryce has left me high and dry with the responsibility for paying all of the bills, let me remind you, all of the bills we once paid as a double income couple – I am always budgeting down to my last dollar.  I could enjoy dating a man with a little excess cash to share.  That way, if my car needs a tune-up, my furnace dies, or my long distance bill is too high, I could call Mr. Capital for a cash advance without the responsibility for repayment. Okay, Okay, okay – I know I am deluding myself.  I could never date a man strictly for money; it looks and feels too much like prostitution. Payment is always inevitable – either in sex or cash.

  Dating for the sole purpose of sex is another possibility – men do it all of the time.  While the thought gives me some perverse satisfaction, I am not capable of doing this either. I’d end up falling in love with a man that I knew nothing about, but the size of his dick. MEN! Uugghh!

  Another reason why I am not looking for a man tonight is because men are like the prize inside a “Cracker Jack” box.  You never know what you are actually getting. Men pretend to be perfect gentlemen when you first meet them.  They take you out to dinner, they buy you flowers, they compliment you, and generally make you feel good about yourself.  The real crafty ones will engage you in conversation, listen to your thoughts, and even share their emotions.  On the surface, they appear to be the monogamous marrying type.  The problem – it’s not real.  Not real at all, more like a facade, a phony, a sham! They are after one thing and one thing only…the coochie!  That’s right, I’ll say it again…the C-O-O-C-H-I-E! In addition, the real devious ones are looking for a sugar mama with good coochie!  Men know a sugar mama when they see one… nice woman, with an excellent job, high salary, great credit, and benefits who is looking for a man and doesn’t mind sharing the wealth OR the coochie.

  Therefore, if I manage to get a man to look at me after he’s seen Dionne, I figure we can intermittently dance and grind all night. As far as I am concerned, men cannot be trusted for more than sex and sometimes even that is suspect.  But for tonight, my thoughts will be focused on dancing and grinding…dancing and grinding.  What’s wrong with a little self-satisfaction through sexual gratification if limited to near orgasms on the dance floor?

I need to run to the mall to purchase something sexy to wear…

 

March 30, 2000 (Late Afternoon) – More Counseling August 17, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,life,psychologist — bitterexwives @ 2:44 am

  “Angel, how are you this evening?”

  “I’m okay Dr. Ellis, I guess. Still extremely pissed at Bryce for forcing me into this divorce situation.  I feel that he has wasted these last four years of my life – dating, engagement, and marriage.  Four years that I will never be able to reclaim.  I feel like a test dummy.”

  “Okay have you had any successes this week?”

  “Yes.  I haven’t thought about killing myself and I only cry about once a day.”

  “That’s good. Let’s start today by discussing…”

  Dammit! I cried again today while in counseling.  I said I wasn’t going to cry, but the harder I try not to, the easier the tears fill my eyes and spill over. Things are definitely getting better, but as much as I hate him, I cannot imagine not loving Bryce.  How do you turn your feelings off and on? I wish someone could tell me, because I have yet to master my emotional faucet.  Honestly, I do not believe that I am capable of deciding that I don’t love someone.  Tell you to “kiss my ass” and not like you anymore – absolutely! But to simply decide…”I don’t love you anymore.” – impossible.  My love runs too deep – I’m probably a borderline stalker. Maybe that’s why Bryce left me.

  As I left counseling this evening, with puffy red eyes and nasal congestion, I began to question myself.  Is it possible to love too hard? To love too much?  To give of oneself too completely?

  The best thing to do is table that train of thinking.  At this point in time, going to class is my top priority – Celeste and I can discuss later.

 

March 30, 2000 (Morning) – Insufficient Funds August 15, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,furniture,insufficient funds,life — bitterexwives @ 6:17 pm

  This morning I awoke in a complete panic. Last night, between Arhaus and Macy’s I spent over $4000.00. Okay Angel…take deep cleansing breaths and relax.  Deep cleansing breaths…and relax.  One last time…deep cleansing breaths…and relax.

  It’s not so bad…everything was financed except the mattress.  I wrote a $350.00 dollar check for a fabulous, king sized, pillow top Serta mattress, which was a great deal.  To Macy’s chagrin and my surprise, the mattress was lost in inventory and recently found.  Originally $1100.00 dollars before taxes, I purchased the bed and paid for the delivery charges for the rock bottom price of $350.00 dollars. Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to cover the check.  Yes, that was a really bad move. No, I should not have written the check – I can see my checking account bouncing from here to Hong Kong and then being arrested for attempting to defraud a financial institution. Oh God, it’s time to pray.

  “Lord, if you are listening to me right now, I ask that you come to my rescue.  I know I wrote a bad check, please show me favor and move on the hearts of all my friends and family that I may have to call to beg for money.  Please God, let someone say yes to my request. I cannot afford to bounce a check.  Lord, I thank you in advance.  Amen.”

 Once I get to work, I’ll call my mom.  If I need to take an extended lunch to pull together the money and deposit it in my account, then so be it. This is yet another reason to hate Bryce.  I really cannot afford to lose my job because I am begging for money.  I already need to leave work early to go to my counseling session in order to make it to class on time.

  What else can I do?

 

March 26, 2000 (Afternoon) – Finding Peace With God August 4, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,life,love,peace — bitterexwives @ 3:30 am

  I just arrived home from church. It is still difficult to go, but this morning when I awoke, I knew it was meant for me to go.  For the first time in months, there was a sense of urgency within me to go to the house of the Lord for prayer, praise, and worship. 

  There has been an anger almost to the point of bitterness festering within me.  I committed my life to God almost ten years ago.  Has my life been perfect? No – but I have always tried my best to be the person that God has called me to be.  That is why for years I participated in dance, Bible Studies, assisting with baptisms, assisting with prayer for others, working with the teenagers, participating in outreach programs, setting up and managing the church bookstore, and numerous other activities. During these last few months, I could not understand why God would allow this terrible thing to happen to me.  Why me? Why did my husband cheat on me? Why did he lie to me?  Why did he leave me?  Why didn’t Bryce fight for me? I was angry that God refused to snap his fingers and immediately restore my life and marriage.  There were many nights when I cried…DO SOMETHING GOD!  Hurry up and make Bryce see how wrong he is.  Make Bryce see how much I love and need him. Make him miserable without me!

  While in prayer during service, I received my answer. I began to see things out of God’s eyes…The greatest gift God has given us was His Son, Jesus Christ.  The second was free will.  God always loves us, regardless of whether we love Him – we are simply given the choice to love Him in return.  I realized that I am no more powerful than God.  If God has given us the choice to love Him, who am I to think or even expect God to make Bryce love me.  What made me think that I could force Bryce to love me? Even though God has the power, if He won’t use it to make us love Him why would He use it to make Bryce love me.  While painful to acknowledge…I came to terms with the fact that not only did I have unrealistic expectations, I was being foolish.

  Before leaving church, I released my anger and asked for forgiveness. For the first time in months, I experienced a sense of peace.

 

March 25, 2000 – Libel or Slander? August 1, 2007

Filed under: advertising,bitterness,divorce,libel,life,love,slander — bitterexwives @ 2:22 am

  All day I have been thinking about making flyers and posting them around Margo’s old church and job.  Something like…

“Beware! If you see this woman run for cover.  She is a known husband thief.”

or

 “Alert! Your marriage is not safe in the presence of this woman!”

or

“This is my marriage before Margo…This is my marriage after Margo.  Any questions?”

  I really hate Margo right now.  I keep thinking that Bryce’s mother is going to give my bedroom furniture to Margo now that they are in a relationship.  And now I hate Bryce.  Maybe I could post flyers at his old job and send copies to the management staff at his current location.  I am going to poll Celeste and Abigail to see which of the following they would choose…

“Liar, adulterer, creator of broken hearts…Bryce King.”

or

“If integrity is not your concern…hire Bryce King.”

or

“Bryce King…continued failure to satisfy sexually.”

or

“Bryce King…a master of deception and teller of lies.”

  Considering all of the allegations are true am I committing libel or slander?  What’s the worse they can do?  Sue me?  Go-ahead Bryce…make my day!

 

 

March 24, 2000 – Monster-In-Law July 31, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,family,life,mother-in-law — bitterexwives @ 3:46 pm

  This morning I rose and made a resolution.  Call it a New Day Resolution…I was going to be happy today.  I purposed to think happy thoughts and to cry as little as possible, which so far has decreased to twice a day!

  I picked out the cutest outfit – black fitted pants from Express with the matching fitted vest made of some bizarre stretchy but chic material.  You know, Destiny’s Child tight not Alice from Mel’s Diner tight.  To finish my ensemble, I included a long sleeve fitted t-shirt and chunky wedge heels from Nine West.  I was sexy and probably dressed more appropriately for the club instead of work. What the hell – I was cute and my boobs weren’t showing!  When the guys working in the parking garage at work paid me a little extra attention, I was convinced my outfit was the right choice.  I actually felt good about myself.

  With a productive morning behind me and no tears shed, I was on cloud nine and ready for lunch. Then my phone rang – office phone, not a cell phone, because I am too cheap to incur the expense. Considering I had not heard from Bryce in a week, I was quite surprised to hear his voice on the other end.

  “Angel, I don’t have a lot of time to talk. I need to schedule a time for my mother to pick up the rest of my furniture.  She is going to ship it to me.”

  Bryce and I previously agreed that I would keep the living room furniture and he would keep the family room furniture. We purchased the furniture prior to our dating and subsequent marriage.  I had no qualms about that. Actually, I was gloating a little.  Bryce was incurring this additional expense because I changed the locks when I discovered he was sneaking in to remove his personal items.  Not wanting to face me, Bryce moved to California with nothing other than the clothes on his back. So, I responded…

  “No problem.  Just tell her to call me to schedule a time. Is that all?”

  “Actually, no.  My mother also wants you to return the bedroom furniture she gave us.  She wants to keep it in the family.  She will pick everything up on the same day.”

  “What the hell! Bryce, are you telling me that your mother is going to take my bedroom furniture?  She is not allowed to be an Indian-giver! You and I did not agree to that”

  “Angel, she did give it to us and it has been in our family for years.”

  “Yes, but your mother was looking for someone to give it to. It was a gift! Honestly, it’s not as if she gave us expensive antique furniture.  She’ll probably put it in the basement with all of the other shit she has stockpiled.”

  “Angel, she wants the furniture back, so you need to give it to her.  She only gave it to us because of me and now that we are getting a divorce, she wants it back.  Just make sure the bedroom furniture is with the family room furniture when my mother comes.  All of it – the bed, mattress, dresser, chest of drawers – all of it.”

 “Your mother will get both sets of furniture when I damn well feel like giving it to her.  If I have to spend thousands of dollars to purchase nice bedroom furniture so I can have a place to sleep, then I will do so when the time is right for ME!  Considering neither you nor your mother is offering financial assistance for this new furniture, an expense I might add that is not part of my budget, you will have to wait. You know Bryce, what really pisses me off is that after all you have taken me through, the least you could do is stand up to your mother and tell her No.”

 “Fine! Just call me when she can pick up the furniture.”

I don’t know if I am feeling sentimental, stubborn, or righteous indignation, but who in the hell picks up the phone to say, ‘I know I gave you that bed, but now that you are getting a divorce, I want it back.’ Who does that kind of thing? I was so upset; I wanted to spit on my mother-in-law.

  Okay, time for lunch, I need to cry. Today has turned into a very bad day.

 

March 14, 2000 (Evening) – Scheduling Appointments July 19, 2007

Filed under: bitterness,divorce,healing,life,psychologist — bitterexwives @ 8:47 pm

  I decided to go into work today around Noon – having already lost my husband, losing my job as well was not an option. Food, shelter, and clothing are now my top priorities and not working  could pose a potential problem. During this time of separation, I know that I have not been a model employee – my ability to show up physically has become increasingly difficult. In addition, I probably show up mentally about 50 percent of the time.

  Sadly, I took a break mid-afternoon to call Dr. Ellis, a psychologist who was highly respected in the Indianapolis area. He seemed really nice, but the thought of spending an hour pouring out my anger, pain, and disappointment to a total stranger was not appealing.  Simply scheduling the appointment was embarrassing. I had no desire to share with the young and I am sure cute sounding receptionist/secretary with no problems that I had problems significant enough to require treatment from a psychologist.  Ms. Receptionist/Secretary efficiently scheduled an appointment for me on March 16th at 7:00 p.m.  Apparently Thursday’s are considered Dr. Ellis’s late night – how accommodating. I hate Bryce!

  The fact that I even need a psychologist is all his fault.  Up until three months ago, I was a happy woman.  We were building a home, buying timeshares, investing in rental property and my biological alarm clock was ringing.  Now I am alone, embarrassed by this turn of events, slightly homicidal, afraid of getting divorced, and not sure of who I am without my husband. As crazy as it may sound, I took pride in being defined as “Wife.” Now I am lost. I guess that is why I am going to see Dr. Ellis.

   In the meantime, between now and Thursday, it is my goal to focus on those things that I can control – ME. Tomorrow I plan to go shopping. I may be miserable, but I can look fabulous!