After last night’s performance – drinking, bumping, and grinding – I am ashamed to say that I went to church today. I figured the least I could do is pay homage to my Lord and Savior, while silently praying for forgiveness for all of my sins as I walked over the threshold.
“Forgive me Lord for lusting after the cute guy who taught me the merengue last night. Forgive me Lord for drinking in excess. Forgive me Lord for grinding on the cute guy who taught me the merengue. Forgive me Lord for grinding on the guy who bought me a drink. Forgive me Lord for entertaining obscene sexual fantasies about the guy who taught me the merengue. Forgive me Lord for hating Bryce. Forgive me Lord for hating Margo…okay maybe not; I am not ready to be forgiven yet for that one. Forgive me Lord for taking two-hour lunches everyday this week to go shopping. Forgive me Lord for using shopping as an emotional crutch. Forgive me Lord for being vain, but with the rest of my life spiraling out of control, clothes have become my anchor. Forgive me Lord for any other sin I may have forgotten.”
I promise, I am a Christian…I just love to dance. Okay, I love sex even more and surely God doesn’t expect me to ignore my sexual urges – I am married and marriage was supposed to be accompanied with a license to screw. Albeit not random men, but at least the one I married. Alright, alright, I won’t go down that path again. It’s a daily struggle nevertheless; I’m trying desperately not to be bitter. I’m also trying DAILY to resist the urge to hunt down Bryce and Margo, dismembering them, and mailing body parts to all 50 states plus the District of Columbia. STOP IT! Now I really look crazy, I didn’t realize I was fussing at myself aloud and the usher was staring directly at me.
After service, I smiled pleasantly and hugged everyone before leaving. Recently, I have been considering rejoining the dance troupe at church – being approached on numerous occasions by the leader and recruited by several of the members has somewhat influenced my decision. Once summer break begins, I’ll have more time to enjoy additional extracurricular activities. I just have to endure six more weeks of classes – honestly, the thought of dropping out of the program is enticing. The emotional strain is wearing on me and even though Dr. Ellis advised me to refrain from making major decisions at this time, it has proved increasingly difficult to go to class twice a week. Not to mention completing reading assignments, writing papers, conducting research, and all of the other business associated with being a college student. I absolutely, positively do not have the emotional aptitude to maintain this level of responsibility even if I will have the summer months to recuperate. WOW, the answer is becoming clearer by the minute. Okay Angel, stop rambling.
As Celeste and I like to say…”I was just sitting at home minding my own business, when…,” my telephone rang. Being the telephonaholic that I am, I was scampering to answer it. On the other line was one of my “girlfriends” and I use the term lightly, from church. While a little surprised, I greeted her with ambivalent wariness resulting solely from the nature of our relationship. Julia Jamison is extremely nice, however, not overly welcoming of me outside of church. Years ago, I thought she was a good friend and asked her to be the maid of honor in my wedding. She attended my shower and was supportive until after the wedding. It became overwhelmingly obvious that I was a friend as long as it made her look good. I started to notice that I didn’t get invitations to social gatherings at her home or return phone calls in response to my calls. Just as with Angelina, I became tired of one-sided relationships. Which is why, I wasn’t sure how to react to this unexpected phone call.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait too long to see Julia’s true intentions – she immediately went for the jugular.
“Hi Angel. How have you been?”
“Good and yourself?”
“Good. How is school coming along for you?”
“Not bad. A little stressful, but I’ll get through it.”
“WOW, I can only imagine. Especially with everything going on with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I haven’t seen Bryce at church recently. Where has he been?”
“Julia, I don’t want to discuss this.”
“Why not? I am just concerned about you.”
“Concerned about me? You haven’t bothered to call me in over a year. You have not called me to even say ‘Hey, how ya doing.’ You haven’t bothered to return any phone calls I have previously made to you, but you now want to call me and ask questions about my husband? Do you really expect me to discuss my personal business with you?”
“I was just concerned, because you have been coming to church alone.”
“Thank you for your concern. When I am ready to talk, I will. Did you want anything else?”
“Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later.”
I cannot believe her audacity. What a nosey bitch!