Bitter Ex-Wives & Other Freaks of Nature

Being the new wife takes on a new demension when the EX won’t let go. My true story…

March 27, 2000 – Body Piercings August 7, 2007

Filed under: divorce,impulsive behavior,life,piercings — bitterexwives @ 1:31 am

  Just as promised Dionne met me at 7:00 p.m. in front of ACME. I never thought of myself as a snob or uppity, but I must admit that I was a little out of my element when I walked through the front door.  Never had I been surrounded by masses of people covered in tattoos and piercings. If it weren’t for Dionne’s recommendation, I probably would have fled the scene and called 911 to report possible suspects for all outstanding warrants for the city’s unsolved crimes. Yes, I know I am stereotyping, but I couldn’t help it considering I was on the verge of panic. Tonight’s motto…panic now ask for forgiveness later. 
  The girl at the counter was full of smiles and greeted Dionne as though they were the best of friends.  I wonder what Dionne does in her spare time when not dancing…If she hangs out at ACME on a regular basis, there is definitely more to her than meets the eye.  While Dionne waited in line to confirm MY appointment, I sat “reading” a picture book on outrageous tattoos. Nausea began to set in after viewing the second penis with multiple piercings as well as a woman with both nipples pierced.  If Dionne didn’t come back soon, she may turn around to find me missing in action.  Between the picture book, patrons, and employees I was seeing sights that previously were limited to National Geographic and PBS specials.
  The people, when combined with the surroundings created a surreal atmosphere.  Not only were the walls orange with random spurts of graffiti, they were littered with various black and white photos of guess what…more people with piercings.  The floor was black and scuffed by the apparent flow of traffic including mine and it hit me – I am getting ready to get my navel pierced.  Yes, the appointment has been made and yes, I am sitting quite uncomfortably on black leather-like furniture waiting for someone to call my name – but am I ready to proceed with this impulsive action? Absolutely!  I was so excited! Pick me! Pick me! I couldn’t wait!
  Before I knew it…Dionne returned, someone called my name and I was walking toward the piercing room on the right with a young woman named Buffy, Amber, or Cookie – I can’t remember which.  I didn’t know what to expect, however an examination table sure as hell wasn’t it.  Yet there I was lying on top of one with my shirt up under bright fluorescent lights.  Within minutes, Buffy, Heather, or Cookie…I still can’t remember was explaining the purpose of a myriad of highly sterilized surgical tools wrapped in vacuum-sealed plastic wrap. It was starting to get somewhat scary…I hadn’t anticipated outpatient surgery, just a minor piercing.  It was quite amazing! Heather, Cookie, or Penelope whipped out a pair of miniature tongs and clamped the flap of skin above my navel.  With one quick thrust, she pushed a large needle through my clamped skin and slid a miniature barbell with a ball on one end through the needle.  Before I could blink she removed the needle, attached the remaining ball and I was officially pierced.
  For a few minutes, I sat there in shock.  The piercing did not hurt; it just felt weird like my insides had been strung together through the middle of my body like a marionette. Then Heather, Penelope, or Rayne or whatever her name is asked if I was “okay,” ushered me off the table, and out to the front desk to collect my $48.00 dollars. The whole event was over in less than 10 minutes and Dionne was walking me to my car.  A drink would be nice right now, but due to my overactive imagination, I keep envisioning the liquid leaking through my belly.  Wow, I am so bizarre!


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