Parting wisdom from the mouth of Dr. Ellis:
“In the midst of emotional turmoil you need to maintain a sense of normalcy. Your separation and divorce represent a significant change in your life – let that be the only major change. Even though it may be difficult, it is important that you continue to do the things that were a part of your normal routine.”
With a renewed determination, I awoke a little earlier this morning with the sole purpose of outlining my “normal” routine. My focus for the last three almost four months following Bryce’s evacuation from our home has been on Bryce, our marriage, and Margo. Today, I plan to focus on me – restoring my schedule and remembering the things I enjoy doing solely for me.
- Monday and Wednesday – Return to Dance Practice. Dancing and performing with my hip-hop dance troupe seemed trivial in light of my impending divorce. My love for dance had begun to wane when overcome with depression.
- Tuesday and Thursday – Attend classes regularly. Working on my Masters Degree had taken a back seat to working on my marriage.
- Friday – hang out with my girlfriends. I could barely get out of bed let alone motivate myself to get cute and go out to have fun.
- Saturday – Book Club. Reading is my passion – yet my lack of passion for life decreased the pleasure I had always known when reading a book.
- Sunday – Attend church service. The one thing I had been able to continue doing, albeit grudgingly. I was embarrassed to go to church. I didn’t want those gossiping ninnies to know that I couldn’t satisfy or keep a man nor could I deal with the incessant questions about Bryce. They are so nosey – they bombard me with questions every time I walk through the door. “Where’s Bryce?” “Is he going to be here today?” “We haven’t seen him in a while, is he okay?” Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah! No, I haven’t told anyone that we are separated and divorcing except my Pastor and best girlfriends. Bryce and I attended faithfully before and during our marriage as well as participated in many church sponsored events – I just could not face them or the disappointment I knew they all felt when they saw me. I won’t get into details right now, but secretly I have been holding a grudge against God, because of this divorce. As I am unable to deal with this moral dilemma, it goes back under the rug for a while.
Now onto things I love to do:
- Spending time with God in meditation and prayer/praise and worship
- Spending time with my girlfriends
With my lists completed, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Instead of burdened, relieved. Starting Monday, I am going to try to live again – with or without Bryce.