- Giving of a reason to act – the act of giving somebody a reason or incentive to do something
- Enthusiasm – a feeling of interest or enthusiasm that makes somebody want to do something, or something that causes such a feeling
- Reason – a reason for doing something or behaving in some way
- Forces determining behavior – psychology the biological, emotional, cognitive, or social forces that activate and direct behavior
Today is go have your head examined by a psychologist day. I don’t want to go. The very idea is tainting my perspective of the entire day. It has made everything more difficult – getting out of bed, getting dressed, even combing my hair. Celeste and I prayed this morning – that was the only reason I was able to roll out of bed. Damn, if I thought I was miserable before, the misery has significantly magnified.
If I am truthful with myself, I need help – I cannot continue to cry my way through each day. It is becoming a nuisance. This stupor that I am in that prohibits me from functioning at my normal capacity is simply awful. Oh God, I am miserable and the thought of going to see Dr. Ellis and further exposing that misery is unbearable. Exposing the depth of my pain may be the last straw. If the floodgates open and I begin the cry, which I might add is inevitable, I will never stop. I hate being this weak! I hate being this vulnerable! I hate being this needy! I hate having to share this side of me with anyone – not to mention I have to pay $100 dollars an hour to do it.
If I don’t receive something positive to motivate me, I don’t think I’ll leave my house, let alone follow through with my appointment to see Dr. Ellis. Celeste was so encouraging this morning, but it wasn’t enough. I have no enthusiasm for life or anything else for that matter. Maybe Dr. Ellis can instruct me on how to get my old comfortable life back. I would pay more than $100 dollars an hour for that.