I decided to go into work today around Noon – having already lost my husband, losing my job as well was not an option. Food, shelter, and clothing are now my top priorities and not working could pose a potential problem. During this time of separation, I know that I have not been a model employee – my ability to show up physically has become increasingly difficult. In addition, I probably show up mentally about 50 percent of the time.
Sadly, I took a break mid-afternoon to call Dr. Ellis, a psychologist who was highly respected in the Indianapolis area. He seemed really nice, but the thought of spending an hour pouring out my anger, pain, and disappointment to a total stranger was not appealing. Simply scheduling the appointment was embarrassing. I had no desire to share with the young and I am sure cute sounding receptionist/secretary with no problems that I had problems significant enough to require treatment from a psychologist. Ms. Receptionist/Secretary efficiently scheduled an appointment for me on March 16th at 7:00 p.m. Apparently Thursday’s are considered Dr. Ellis’s late night – how accommodating. I hate Bryce!
The fact that I even need a psychologist is all his fault. Up until three months ago, I was a happy woman. We were building a home, buying timeshares, investing in rental property and my biological alarm clock was ringing. Now I am alone, embarrassed by this turn of events, slightly homicidal, afraid of getting divorced, and not sure of who I am without my husband. As crazy as it may sound, I took pride in being defined as “Wife.” Now I am lost. I guess that is why I am going to see Dr. Ellis.
In the meantime, between now and Thursday, it is my goal to focus on those things that I can control – ME. Tomorrow I plan to go shopping. I may be miserable, but I can look fabulous!