I know I am the biggest idiot, but I still love Bryce. Even though I have been lied to, cheated on, and now officially abandoned. And yet, I still carry hope that this marriage can be saved.
Just last spring, after celebrating our third wedding anniversary, Bryce and I took out a second mortgage on our house. We planned to use the proceeds as a down payment on the new home we were building and to pay off several outstanding bills Bryce had accumulated prior to the marriage. We had even paid cash for a very nice, albeit used, car for Bryce. Virtually debt free, except for the car I drive, we were looking forward to decorating our new home, moving into our new neighborhood, and developing friendships with our new neighbors. There were times in the middle of the night, we would lie in bed and talk incessantly about the move. The anticipation was infectious.
Something inside of me was changing – this would be my first real home since I turned 18 and left for college. Up until this very moment, every move I had made was from one transitional home to another. I had always lived in places where I never intended to stay for more than a year or two. Even our current home we purchased solely for rental property. Therefore, when the builders were finished and we moved into the new home we would not sell, but maintain ownership of our current house. I felt as though I were nesting and for the first time in our marriage desired to have a baby. How did things go so terribly wrong?
The Bryce I knew was ambitious, funny, and kind. He had a very strong sense of family – we always spent a great deal of time with both of our families. Yet even more significant, Bryce and I were very committed to the church and developing strong relationships with God. He even played the piano for a Christian jazz band. How could the man that I had known for 9 years become such a disappointment? Did I really know him? Did he deceive me all of these years? There had to be some logical explanation that would make things right again. There had to be!
Yet, even in my hope, I carried an unsettling feeling. Did Bryce move to California alone?